Thursday, April 2, 2009

Chandler Mania

Chandler: I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Chandler: I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.

Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers... it doesn't make much of a difference.

Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...
[everyone stares at Chandler]
Chandler: ... Did I say that out loud?

[When asked if he knows anything about chicks]
Chandler: Fowl? No. Women?... No.

Chandler: [entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo] All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men.

Chandler: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room.

Chandler: [to Joey's father's girlfriend] Come on, I'll show you to my room... Wow, that sounds weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late".

Chandler: [about Eddie] Ding dong, the psycho's gone.

Chandler: I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y... I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?

Chandler: [To Monica] Come on, you're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie? That's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.

[Chandler is practicing advertising slogans]
Chandler: Phones: bringing you closer to people... who have phones.
Chandler: Pants: Like shorts... but longer.

Chandler: Well, if I were a guy...
[Everyone stares at him.]
Chandler: Wait. Did I just say "If I were a guy"?

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